Brides in the botanics

Sunday is a day for strolling in Dushanbe’s botanical gardens. Under a cloudless blue sky and a pleasant 30°C it’s a lovely time to study the local flora; and the most dazzling of all the flora are Dushanbe’s new brides, out in full bloom.

One of the many rituals of marriage here (see earlier blog, the Wedding, for more) is the parade of the bride and groom before their relatives and friends and what better place to do this than round the attractively laid out grounds of the botanical gardens. Literally dozens of wedding parties converge on this green corner of the city every Saturday and Sunday to celebrate and to see and be seen.

It’s really the parade of the bride. The groom is just there to give a contrasting dark background to the radiance of his partner. (Isn’t that just it, for life….?). Restrained simplicity is not the order of the day as she glides along in her stunning white meringue of a dress with the wedding party at a respectful ten paces behind. Photographers buzz around like paparazzi recording every step and expression and relieved parents sigh and beam and eye up the opposition.

Negotiating the bushes

Everyone joins in respectfully and so they should; this is the culmination of a big joint effort. Almost all the marriages in Tajikistan are arranged by the families. The bride and groom may look a bit tongue tied, but they’ve probably only met once before and then under observation. But negotiations have no doubt been going on for over a year through emissaries. Spies will have gone out from both camps to check on the other family, and friends of the prospective couple will have been cornered for interrogation. Educational attainment and job prospects have been weighed; relative ages, place of birth, photographs and, most of all, reputation of the other family are pored over. The question of money will have arisen. Weddings cost upwards of $10,000 – for each family – and in a country with a per capita Gross National Income of just over $2,000 per annum, this is a perpetual concern, especially for the family with daughters. How can I find the money? How can I not find the money? The deal is done.

Is the bride happy? She is certainly getting her day of superstardom but after this it’s probably farewell to any further education and off to live with the groom’s family – where she will be confined to the house for the first 40 days so that she can make a start on the next generation (presumably with some help from the man in the dark suit..). If her family have chosen well, though, she will settle in to a supportive environment with someone who shares her interests and cares for her well-being. Divorce rates are very low by western standards.

My language teacher faces a dilemma. She has just turned down a marriage offer for her 20 year old daughter. The prospective in-laws have had little education and their son doesn’t have a job. Both factors they consider could be very limiting for their daughter's future security and happiness. Not very romantic but probably a good decision, especially as her daughter wants to continue in college. But this is a country desperately short of marriageable men - due to migration, civil war and unemployment – and a woman not married by 25 is considered to be over the hill. Will there be other offers? Will she end up the second or third wife of an older man? Will she miss out on her day in the sun, her promenade in the botanics?